First day of slothdom


On the first day of slothdom
'twas wonderful to see
the hours stretching empty before me

I missed updating yesterday. Even if I had managed to squeeze it in, it would just have been more blahblah die project die. Now that it's really most sincerely dead, I am free. Completely and utterly. No deadlines, no commitments, no projects, no responsibilities. Nothing at all.

Frankly, it's making me a little nervous.

Today I failed to sleep in, dusted and swept and emptied the dishwasher and had to physically restrain myself from launching a full-on housekeeping attack (it seemed kind of a waste of a good first day of vacation, you know?). I piddled, I napped, I ate junk food.

I feel oddly jittery, as though I've had too much caffeine (which may actually be true). I wander around the apartment, and around the Internet, but I'm easily distracted and unable to concentrate on anything longer than the average forum post. I can't even bring myself to sit down and write this entry--I've already stopped three or four times. I'm restless, and listless, and occasionally startle myself out of long, elaborate daydreams of nothing at all.

Post-traumatic stress, or has boredom already set in? I'm not sure. The thought of becoming one of those people unable to relax and just do nothing for whole days at a time is faintly disturbing, since I have always considered doing nothing to be one of my greatest talents.

I have things to do. I have approximately 8,762,473 books to read, some of which are even unrelated to school or work. I have an estimated 18 loads of laundry currently overflowing out of my linen closet. I want to do the serious cleaning before Shawn gets here on Friday. (Not that the place is in that awful a state, just not as nice as I usually try to keep it.) I have papers to sort through and file, errands to run, ideas to jot down, phone calls to make. I suppose I could even start packing, even though I'm not leaving for another 10 days.

But for now I'm in a weird state of limbo, unwilling to muster the energy to do anything productive, unable to sit still for very long, unaccustomed to doing things that are pure fun with no practical payoff. Read a novel, play a video game, watch Buffy DVDs (without simultaneously doing reading or typing up notes for class or a paper)... these all feel very foreign.

I need to reacquaint myself with slothdom; maybe it'll just take a few days for the adrenaline and caffeine to be completely flushed out of my system. Maybe I should take up yoga or something. Maybe I just need a nap.

This laziness thing is harder than it looks.