Sputtering
As the semester draws to an end, I am sputtering across the finish line.
I am still battling a cold or something in that general vicinity, which is making me tired and achey and sore throat-y, and giving me the urge to drink lots and lots of tisanes. Plus there's the general post-traumatic lethargy that descends after every major project or crisis, and I guess a semester of grad school ranks as both. All of my major work projects are done, but there are lingering things to be done that require at least a few of those brain cells that are steadfastly refusing to delay their vacation any longer.
Yesterday I got a very exciting email of feedback on my biggest paper of the semester. I was so relieved, since I'd been fretting about it quite a bit (surprise), but for some reason instead of helping me to relax, the enthusiastic response seems to have triggered some kind of anxiety reaction. I slept badly, with strange dreams (most of which involved revising my paper, which means they were exactly as dull as that sounds).
My cat--who, it occurs to me, some people who don't interact with me elsewhere
don't actually know about--has been so painfully bored and in need of company
while I went into The Dead Zone of paper writing, that she has now taken to
bringing her toys onto the bed and nibbling at my toes at 4 a.m. to get me
to play with her.
I do not always react well to that kind of encouragement.
(Dario learned very quickly that it is not a good idea to wake me up
in the middle of the night for any reason at all, unless the building was
being evacuated or there'd been a death in the family--and in the latter instance,
only if we actually had to go somewhere).
So I'm in a weird space of being almost-but-not-quite done, almost-but-not-quite-sick, trying my damnedest to be well-rested but with anxiety dreams and feline assaults keeping real rejuvenating sleep just out of reach. It's making the gradual transition from semester to break even blurrier and more surreal than usual.
Just a few more days, and the shift will be complete. I hope.